The Morning After

I had always thought that the day my grandma passed would be the worst day of my life. I didn't know it would be the morning after. For the first time in twenty-four years I existed in a place my grandma physically did not. My heart beat in place of hers. I made my dad …

June 10, 2015

I don't go straight to the hospital this morning.  I'm four days away from college graduation and have no choice but to make the trek to the loop and pick up my cap and gown. I stand on the platform at Howard, waiting for the red line.  The anxiety wells up in my chest. It's …

June 9, 2015

"Her body will tell us if it's too much." Dr. Omari's words are running through my mind and ringing in my ears. Her body is trying to tell us, but I don't want to listen. She hasn't opened her eyes today. My grandma is not my grandma. She's puffy from the 25 pounds of fluid …

June 8, 2015

I don’t know that I have processed what yesterday meant when I get to today. If the lady in this hospital bed wasn’t my grandma it would be easy for me to look at her and know that this woman won’t make it. But she is my grandma and every part of me thinks she …

June 7, 2015

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. My heart drops into my stomach when I see the number. I suppose long before I looked, I knew it would only be the hospital calling me at this hour. It's 7:30am and I let the phone ring too many times. I'm too scared to …

June 6, 2015

TODAY IS THE BEST! My grandma has been so awake and alert all day. She is so much like her regular self I feel like I can finally breathe again. It can only be a matter of time before she is better enough to leave the ICU! We have been talking for almost the entire …

June 5, 2015

This morning my grandma graduated to a regular four hour session of dialysis. Since she got to the ICU her body had previously only been able to handle what they call, "continuous dialysis." It would pull fluid off of her slowly over 24 hour periods, working to filter the blood thinner out of her. Her …

June 4, 2015

Today my grandma is yellow-jaundiced. Her kidneys and liver are still in failure. Doctors are saying there is fluid building up in her lungs. She has been off the ventilator for two days-never passing the swallow test. Still no water. My grandma's white blood cell count is up-signs of infection. I hear the nurses telling …

Blood Uncontrolled

Today, my dad and I ignore what those police officers told us 9 days ago as we step off the elevator and get ready to open the door to my grandma's apartment. Over the past week I've googled companies that can come and clean up her apartment, but I don't want strangers walking through my …

June 2, 2015

Today we're celebrating! We walk in my grandma's room and they have taken the tube out of her throat. She breathes on her own and I hear her voice for the first time in days. You can see the look of relief on her face- The nurses say we have to wait 24 hours before …